two rants

OK, so I have two rants:

1) Are doctor's offices and other busy people allowed to follow different social rules because of their position? I recently visited an office to meet the doctor before coming under her care. I called ahead of time to tell the office what I wanted. They promised me that I could have 10 minutes or so with the doctor. I arrived for my introduction and was kept waiting for over 45 minutes, then finally left without ever seeing her. Apparently, the doctor was tied up with another patient. I completely understand this. My frustration comes in that after I left the office without meeting the physician, no one has called to apologise or invite me back. If I ever missed an appointment or was running so late, I would call to apologise or reschedule. It strikes me as incredibly rude for them to just ignore the situation. I'm not trying to be this important person worthy of royal treatment; I only want respectful care from someone who will be seeing me naked. I don't want a doctor who doesn't have time to meet me. Am I being too high-maintenance?

2) The Olympics should not be a competition for the most medals. I think that medal counts (by country) are obnoxious. Isn't this the one athletic opportunity when folks can come together and celebrate? Of course there are winners and losers, but must we be so competitive as to need to know how MUCH better we are than others? We romanticise the Olympics as some grand event when the world unites. Commercials singing of world peace, showing competing athletes holding hands, and singing songs. That is ridiculous! They are only united in that they are playing games in the same city. I wish that there was some game or competition when people from different countries played on the same team... Americans next to Chinese next to Ghaneans, competing against another international team. Does this exist?

tales from the town

It has taken me a few months to get myself settled in here. Time has been absorbed by moving, packing, painting, building, etc. But I am finally getting myself grounded enough to resume normal activities. The house and neighborhood are lovely. I frequently see deer, turkey, rabbits, owls, and other fun creatures parading through the yard. Addie loves it!

Here are a few fun tales from folks I've met around town:

A contract service person was working at the church one day. As he wandered around my office, he commented on pictures of my spousal-equivalent. The gentleman said, "He looks nice. Is he a minister?" To which I replied, "No, but he is nice. So, just out of curiosity, do I look like a minister?" (I never should have asked.) And the guy said, "Welllll... no! (ensue laughing)" Thus ended our conversation. Not my favorite person.

I purchased my lawnmower from a guy named "Louie". Seriously. I walked into his shop on the last day that it was open. Seriously. He told me that if I ever had any problems that I could call him. Seriously. So I call Louie and he calls me "Girl". Seriously.

Folks in the congregation here think that I am a teenager. A few can't call my sermon a "sermon", but call it my "comments". Everyone continues to be surprised that God can call a young woman into serious ministry. C'est la vie. My burden to bear for the next few years.

how much can you stand?

Sometimes I wonder how much I can deal with. The current leaving of one congregation for another is testing my patience and endurance. Certain relationships that have been unhealthy in their day-to-day life are flagrantly out-of-bounds in these stressful times. Of course anger is not a sin, though I firmly believe that violence is wrong... still, there are moments when I would really love to punch someone in the nose! Is this sin calling my name?

How much can you take?
How much are we supposed to take?

A bully on the playground always pushes you down. At what point do you react? How do you react? A 90 year old in assisted living listens to people patronise him every day. At what point is it all right to get cranky? At what point can you demand an alternative?

I don't like being the one who always stands up. I get tired of being the pushy one or the loud one. But I have zero toleranace for injustice and immaturity. At what point am I justified to stand up? Why do we have to take a certain amount before it's OK to defend or call out?

Best Valentine's Day Ever...

(and least sexiest)

Having spent the week delivering soup to my flu-infected spousal equivalent, I was not surprised when I awoke on Valentine's Day with a sore throat. The illness was disappointing considering all of the expectations for a first V Day with one's partner. Instead of roses, there was a bouquet of Kleenex. Instead of chocolate, there were boxes of Airborne. Instead of a sexy red dress, flannel pajamas were the evening's fashion. In spite of the outward signs, we insisted on trying to make something happened. And so it commenced.

Upon arrival at my somewhat sicker boyfriend's place, we gazed into each other's watery eyes and said lovingly, "let's not go out." The evening thus declined into a dreary sitcom. We coughed and sneezed on each other, ate a $5 take-out pizza, watched "Who Killed the Electric Car" (excellent, by the way), and discussed what vitamins would triumph over this version of the plague.

The first Valentine's Day is supposed to be a romantic climax. There are legends of apartments drizzled in rose petals, pots of chocolate fondue, and loving words spoken through the night. While I never expected the moon, I certainly wouldn't have minded a bit of Parisian romance. Instead, we were saddled with a heavy dose of reality. It wasn't terrible. We had a good time laughing at each other and remarking on our pathetic state. Our Valetine's Day was not a Hallmark facade of pink hearts and candy, but was a humble mark of care and devotion. Perhaps that in itself is sexy...

solo journeys

Haiti was heavenly, as always. I am so grateful for the opportunity to travel, see friends, and learn more. The chance to be with others in a cross-cultural setting raises my awareness of what I consider "normal", necessary, and comfortable. Those moments when I think, "EEKkk! Get me out of here!" Then I wonder what's at the root of this. Generally, it is my own ignorance about a particular way-of-being. Energy is quickly drained when surrounded by lots of new.

Part of me relishes the opportunity to travel and reflect alone, yet part of me is grateful for travel companions. It is good to compare impressions. At home, most of my time is spent surrounded by people, so moments of solitude are sought-after. Time in Haiti is a chance to step away from the constant chatter, to savor quietness and revel in my own reflections.

These things being said, it is interesting to me that, while still single, I struggle with the dance between the need for space and the need for intimacy. After 28 years of mostly alone-ness, being in a relationship takes quite a bit of humility and flexibility. And, though I complain of not having enough time to myself, I am actually tired of being alone. I am worn down by years of figuring it out by myself. I am jealous of those who can make team decisions. I am frustrated by my lack of competency in certain areas of life... places where one's partner might fill in the gaps... It is impossible to coordinate the many details of life alone. No one person can be an expert in car repairs, finances, house repairs, cleaning, decorating, cooking, and childcare. (Let it be said here that it is ridiculous to jump into relationship to meet only those fears/needs. I do not advocate unhealthy, codependent pairings that promote clinging, whining, and/or desperation.)

As I stand on the brink of another "new" thing, I wonder where the road will lead. Will this be yet another chance for me to prove how great I am at adapting? Will this be yet another chance to see how quickly friends can be found? Honestly, I'm exhausted considering it. Going to Haiti by myself is far less unnerving than the uprooting that stands before me.

I'll keep you posted.

Need for a revolution

Next week I will return to a place that I love. St. Joseph's Home for Boys in Port-au-Prince, Haiti and their sister home, Wings of Hope, located in the mountains around Port-au-Prince. http://www.heartswithhaiti.org/homes.html A colorful oasis from the often simple Haitian daily life. Homes filled with people learning and loving. Where running water is suddenly unnecessary, and air conditioning is never considered. Bucket baths, conversational days, and an unhurried life are the key to happiness. Previous visits have inspired radical changes in thought processes and positions. And, when someone asked, "Why are you going back?" I responded, "Because I have to."

Living in a first world country can allow one to become oblivious to global surroundings. The "basics" of our life (24-hour electricity, hot water, ready food, internet) are unthought-of luxuries. Never missed when not available. And, though we may convince ourselves otherwise, they are not necessities. The simple life is the way to go (kudos to Furman University's President, Dr. David Shi). Our rush to get into the air conditioning, to run 5 errands in 6 minutes, to achieve and accomplish has become an inane pursuit. But we couldn't stop ourselves now if we wanted to. Too much depends on it: careers, families, relationships, culture.

If it weren't for time in Haiti. If it weren't for a week at a monastery in France. If it weren't for specific days away, I would fool myself into thinking that I wasn't missing anything. But after spending 2, 5, 10 days following the natural body rhythms, after talking to whomever I encountered on the road without a stopwatch looming, after quieting myself to actually listen to others, I accept defeat. I need this. I need a reminder of something else. I need a reminder that I'm not perfection, I'm not an island, I'm not an army of one. I am part of a global community. Part of a people who are dependent upon one another. Part of an ecosystem where my trash affects those living downstream (literally and metaphorically).

So I need to go. I need to get in touch with what is real. Here I go!



To purchase Dr. Shi's book on the simple life, use this link:
http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Life-Thinking-American-Culture/dp/0820329754/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199749134&sr=1-1

with a steady hand

After watching last week's news stories about the gunman in Colorado, I was completely flabbergasted. The response of the church in Colorado Springs may be born out of trauma, but their justification of violence is inexcusable. "The Holy Spirit was with me," the security guard said. "My hand was steady. I didn't shake at all." At some point, God guiding this woman through an incredibly difficult situation became God pointing the gun at another person. The pastor continues to argue for armed security guards in churches. And everyone seems OK with it.

For millenia (and maybe forever), people have used God to justify violence. Old Testament scriptures ring with battles in God's name. The Crusades took on a life of their own as "Christians" paid their way into heaven by fighting for "Christ" in the Holy Land. World War II saw contemporary Christians participate directly and indirectly in the slaughter and genocide of millions. So this isn't a new thing - this idea of using God to aim the gun. History books are full of people apologizing for the wrongs their ancestors did. Haven't we learned? What's it going to take?

It may be naive to hope for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s hopes, to pray like Gandhi, to serve like Dorothy Day. At some point humanity must stand up and hold itself accountable. It is irresponsible to hold the "why didn't we see/know" until 20 or 30 years have passed. It is shameful to never be able to see ourselves as the guilty or unjust.

I don't know what I would do if a gunman walked into my congregation. I don't know how I would respond if I had been there. But I don't think that it is acceptable to praise God for the murder accomplished. The act and justification are both sin. Taking someone's life does not please God; they were part of God's "good" creation originally, too. Let's call it as it is: badness, violence, ugliness, brokenness, sin. This is not a blessing. We shoudn't be congratulating each other. This is the world gone wrong.